An Adult's Game
by SleevedWhiteSnow
Summary: Byakuya Kuchiki can never, ever know about this. Ever. That a group of the most prodigal soul reapers, including the captain of the 10th division of the thirteen court guard squads, had learnt to play strip poker in Ichigo Kurosaki's bedroom.


**AN: A re-upload from my old account which I no longer use. Sorry to everyone who's read and reviewed this before... Here to stay this time round.**

 **Set near the beginning of the Arrancar Arc. Let's pretend for the sake of the story that Keigo hadn't found out about shinigami the same way and he knows at this point. Enjoy!**

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An Adult's Game

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Seeing as Captain Hitsugaya isn't one to make his seldom lack of comprehension known, Ikkaku is too honorable to question the rules of a challenge, Rukia is too innocent and naïve for her own good, and Rangiku and Yumichika are presently too occupied with how they look in their current world of living clothes (or lack thereof) to notice anything else, it is left to Renji to try to make sense of their current predicament.

Or perhaps it is because Renji is always the first to speak his mind. Either way, he has to do something – three more rounds of this atrocity and no doubt he'll have witnessed more of Rukia's… _body_ … than what's acceptable for his health, and Captain Kuchiki would certainly kill him.

Once again he shakes his head and calmly tries to reassure himself that

a) Keigo may be an imbecile but he is an expert on human ways, so absurd as it may be, his "game" is perfectly _normal..._

b) he, Renji, is not a pervert so said game shouldn't be bothering him in the first place

c) no-one's actually going to get _fully_ naked before giving up. – except perhaps Ikkaku, but they have the same parts. And maybe Rangiku too, but again, he's not a pervert so no big deal

and d) Captain Kuchiki will _never_ find out. Though if by most unfortunate luck he does, Renji's life (well, _soul_ ) is not at stake here as he isn't even so much as looking (… ogling _…_ ) at his beloved sister

"So Keigo, enlighten us… what exactly is the point to this shit?"

The giddy-looking youth reluctantly turns his gaze from Rangiku's well exposed – even more so than usual – chest. "Point?" He gapes at the red-haired shinigami for a few moments, then waves his free arm wildly in gesture around the room. "Behold the sight before you! This is the most incredible, glorious, sexy, genius game ever invented!"

Renji snorts. "I fail to see anything _glorious_ about it _." Let alone sexy,_ he adds as an afterthought, _except for Ru-_ he mentally slaps himself, feeling his cheeks burn. Like we established before, he's _not_ a pervert. He has way more class than that. And besides, it's only her legs. Like he cares about her short… bony… ridiculous… hot alluring mouth-watering gorgeous legs and- _Man, when did it get so hot in here?_

"As far as these human games go, _I_ would certainly say it is," Yumichika gloats, straightening a feather over his eyelash. Well, _his_ definition of excellence doesn't quite match that of most people's.

Next to him, Rangiku nods, laying down her hand. Four aces and a king.

"Dammit, not again!"

Renji rolls his eyes, sensing the upcoming sulk as his bald companion throws his cards down childishly and reaches for his sock.

 _"You're_ not supposed to strip too, Rangiku" (seeing as Captain Hitsugaya is actually suffering through this he might as well make sure they all play by the rules - oh and just for the record, he'd only agreed to join because this is an _adult's_ game).

"It's not fair that everyone else gets to strip except me."

"Then stop _winning"_

"Well I can't help that I'm the best player here. And there's no rule that says you can't take off your clothes for fun, is there?"

"What the hell's wrong with you? You actually _want_ to strip?"

"Oh lighten up, Renji, it makes the game more fun. Besides, we're in gigai."

Which is supposed to justify that five men and two women losing their clothes around a pile of cards is perfectly okay – in the case of five less one man who isn't a shinigami.

Renji gapes around the room incredulously. Even _Toshiro_ doesn't seem fazed by the fact that he himself is _half-naked!_ Either that or he is putting on an extremely good act… Probably captain's pride…

"A nine?!" Rukia suddenly wails, snapping Renji out of his stupor. She looks up at Keigo who's grin widens.

"You can always give up."

"No way!"

 _"Alright then…"_

"Dammit," she mutters, reaching for her blouse. Well, on the bright side she isn't wearing her shihakusho which would have been gone a long time ago… Rules are rules, and she isn't going to lose here! And like Rangiku said, it's just her gigai after all. It's not like she's stripping in her _real_ body.

An unmanly noise escapes Renji's throat and he quickly pretends to cough as Rukia squirms out of her blouse. He bites the inside of his cheek, forcing himself to look anywhere but her b… b… _bra…_ which is black and lacy and… _sexy_ – since when has his innocent, little Rukia worn stuff like _that?!_ – before he has to cover his eyes with both hands. He's not a pervert, dammit!

And for good reason.

Twenty minutes later Rangiku has finally lost her own shirt and skirt, Toshiro and Keigo are down to their boxers, an almost completely naked Yumichika has managed to swap hands to spare an equally almost naked Ikkaku from losing his last round without being noticed _("Why the hell did you strip your underwear but are still wearing your zanpakuto, Ikkaku?!"),_ Renji is down to his undershirt, underwear and one sock, and Rukia has somehow managed to avoid losing anything else. Until now.

Her face flushes furiously along with every other visible part ( _most_ ) of her as she is faced with the tough decision of whether to take off her bra or her matching bottoms ( _Dammit Rukia!_ Renji seriously contemplates running for the hills at this point), or give up the game.

From his corner, Keigo is smiling proudly and a little (very) smugly to himself at his success in educating these charming shinigami in the ways of strip poker. Ever since Chad had let slip to him the truth about them he couldn't wait for the chance to try this out. And his so-called "friends" didn't want to hang out with him tonight. Too bad.

These ancient, emotionally-hindered soul reapers didn't usually get to act like perverted little skuxxes, but tonight…

 _Oh damn, this is entertaining._

Tragically – not only for Keigo's amusement, but for the continuance of his good health – it is then that a bright orange firework bursts into the room.

"Right, you can all clear out now since I'm ba-" Ichigo starts, patting a packet of frozen peas against his cheek, only to drop it when his eyes fall on six all-but naked shinigami blinking up at him and a more-amused-than-he -has-ever-seen-him-before Keigo holding a pack of playing cards.

Ichigo blinks.

He blinks again.

He blinks a few more times.

Then three of his choicest swear words slip out along with "YOU TAUGHT THEM _STRIP POKER?!"_

His family is out for the weekend, he'd needed someone to watch over them, and Keigo was his last resort, but he hadn't thought even _he_ would be capable of _this._ He tries to numb his aching skull by picking up the icy packet and pushing it against his forehead.

"What's wrong with that?" Keigo says in his usual too-loud-to-be-socially-acceptable voice. "Orihime said it was a good idea to do some team bonding stuff."

His words echo around in Ichigo's apparently empty skull and the spiky-haired youth realizes that

a) Keigo is a moron

b) he didn't sign up for this shit

c) shit shit shit

d) Rukia in lacey – _lacey_ – lingerie looks so… so… -crap, why is his nose bleeding at a time like this?

e) a practically naked Rangiku has her... assets... sprawled out across his bed – the bed in which he _sleeps_

and f) Byakuya Kuchiki can never, ever know about this. _Ever._ Neither can Yoruichi. In fact, nobody in all of Soul Society or the world of the living can ever know that a group of the most prodigal soul reapers – including the _captain_ of the 10th division of the thirteen court guard squads – had learnt to play strip poker in Ichigo Kurosaki's bedroom.

"I'm sure Orihime didn't tell you teach them _strip poker!"_

"Why not?" Ikkaku asks. "Don't you play it?"

"Don't I-?" Ichigo face palms. "OF COURSE I DON'T PLAY IT! It's for… old _perverts_ and creeps who are into _hentai_ and- and-"

"You mean it's _not_ a game all adults play?" Rukia asks in surprise, causing his tongue to catch in his mouth. Can she at least wipe that innocent look off her face and sit like a proper woman with her legs and- _Gaaaahhh!_

"Of course not! Keigo, you moron!" Ichigo hurls his packet of peas at him.

The shinigami look at each other in confusion, and then shift their gazes back to Keigo.

Oh.

 _Ohhhhhh._

"W-what?" he stammers, waving his arms in front of him defensively. "Oh come on, it was just a bit of fun!"

 _"I_ rather enjoyed it."

"Shut up, Rangiku," Toshiro mutters darkly.

"And will you get your damn ass off my _bed?!"_ Ichigo shouts.

"It's not all that bad! I did you guys a _favour!_ You learnt the evils of gambling and the joys of-"

"Finish that sentence and you're dead, Keigo."

"Oh yeah, that's a good one, Ichigo! 'Cause I'm the only one in the room who's not! Hahah-"

"I'm serious, you idiot!"

Keigo gets his proof in the form of a flying tackle and genuine attempt on his life. Watching Ichigo throttle him old-fashioned human style, the shinigami glance at each other and weigh their options.

They can put their clothes back on. Or they can watch Ichigo thrash Keigo on their behalf.

Half-naked and not too bothered by it, they join Rangiku on the bed for a safer view

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 **Thanks for reading. Leave a review/criticism if you have the time :)**


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